Monday, October 15, 2012


The divorce rate in America is now at 50% for first marriages, 67% for second marriages, and 74% for third marriages. There are a myriad of reasons why the numbers are the way that they are. It is quite typical to blame marital woes on infidelity, money problems, and communication, or lack there of. But there is one reason that is never recognized or discussed.
Today we live in a "microwave society". A society in which everyone has become accustomed to instant gratification with little or no effort. A society in which the line between desire and need have become blurred. In today's world we can accomplish a laundry list of tasks from the comfort of our homes that were impossible years ago. We can be entertained 50 different ways at any given time, the internet has brought the world to our finger tips, and we can literally have anything delivered right to our doorstep. As far as many people are concerned, waiting is now a thing of the past, and patience is simply not required for most of the things that satisfy them. The majority of us have become so accustomed to having everything immediately that any alternative has become difficult to fathom. This behavior or lifestyle affects relationships because it sets an unreal expectation. It sends an "automatic message". People begin to believe that their spouse will automatically understand them, and everything will automatically be heaven on earth or become heaven on earth over night. But marriage, like everything worth while, requires two very important ingredients, patience and dedication, and unfortunately there is no app that will tell you how to accomplish or give you real insight into either one of them. These two words may seem like relics from a time long ago before the advent of technology, and high speed happiness. It is easy to give up on a marriage when you can find a brand new husband or wife with the click of a mouse. There is little or no incentive to stay in a long term commitment for those who are not strong, and steadfast because it is 10 times easier to start over than it has ever been. If a marriage does not offer instant fulfillment, for some it is easier to just give up and start over as if it were a game that could be reset time after time. This is why the rate of remarrying has increased. I believe that people remarry simply because they can. They can get acquainted with a stranger's profile on a dating site, and quickly fall in love with a prefabricated list of fantasy attributes. A process that only requires a few steps which they allow to lead them into a decision meant to last a lifetime but barely lasts past moments of superficial pleasure. The unusually high divorce rate is symptomatic of societal changes which have created a lack of the ability to discern or the desire to. It is just too long a process for some people to be a part of. Instead they opt for quick decisions that lead to quick failures because they are not used to committing to anything long term due to the options, and availability afforded them in every other facet of their lives. Marriage is not about instant gratification, quick happiness, or constant pleasure. Marriage is about two people in love working as a team for life, on the same page to achieve a common goal. If you enter into matrimony, and still insist on being the MVP on the team of me, it will not work.



  1. The devil has confused the concept of love for so long that we don't know what it is anymore. We feel it is passion & ecstatic sex. How often have I heard, that after we had our children, I am no longer attracted to my wife. I no longer look at her & get turned on & to them that means they fell out of love with her. When actually he loves & respects her at a higher level, so he is unable to view her as a sex object. She is now the mother of their children & motherhood demands & deserves more respect than that.

    1. You have a great point. I've heard the same thing from men. If they are no longer attracted to their wives after child birth, what was the foundation for their love in the first place? Love and respect go hand in hand, and the respect, and honor should not change if it was ever there.