The subject of my last blog was the resurgence of the Ku Klux Klan, a motley crew of ignorant, racist, misfits, who do not have the intelligence to survive in a world designed for their survival. So they've spent decades as domestic terrorists, and purveyors of hatred who despise every one who is non-white. This so called fraternal order hides in the shadows, and resurfaces from time to time like a reoccurring roach problem.
I have recently had the opportunity to interview a self proclaimed Klan member, Mr. DuWayne Thompson. Thompson is the Grand Imperial Puba Wizard of the West Bubble Nut Chapter of the Klan. He wanted to meet with me to clear the air, and set the record straight. This is an excerpt from our brief interview.
Me: "Mr. Thompson, lets cut right to the chase. Do you believe that the KKK is still relevant in 2013."
Thompson: "Relevant? What does that mean? Look at cha! A fancy negro using fancy words."
He almost caught a right hand for that one!
Me: "What I'm asking is, if you think the Klan still matters?"
Thompson: "Yeah, we'll always matter, as long as you nig..........I mean darkies, and gringo's and A-rabs keep taking jobs from good, white Christian's, we'll be here."
Me: "What do you do for a living?"
Thompson: Well, I'm what you might call a "Fertilization Engineer".
Me: "A what?"
Thompson: "I shovel crap for a living."
Me: "So you think African- American's, Mexicans and people from the Middle East want that job?"
Thompson: "Yep, those damn Mexi-kans will do anything for a buck."
Me: "What do you say to those who believe that the Klan is a hate group?"
Thompson: "We just want protection for all good Christian white people, and we don't hate anybody. Just Blacks, Catholics, Jews, gays, Arabs, Hispanic's and China men. Everybody else is ok."
Me: "That was everybody else. I think I already know the answer to this question, but I have to ask. What do you think about President Obama?
Thompson: "Obama is nothing but a Muslim who wants to take our guns away so that he can pass laws to take money from honest hard working whites and give it to lazy negros. He wants to make a welfare state.
Me: Really? Did you know that there are more whites who are on, and apply for welfare than any other race."
Thompson: "That's a lie!" Everybody knows that you African-American blacks get all of the welfare, and all of the food stamps because ya'll don't want to work."
Me: "I don't know how many black people you know. But everybody I know loves to work. Of course none of them has explored the exciting world of "Fertilization Engineering" but I am sure that shoveling crap requires a certain amount of skill that not many people have."
Thompson: "That's absolutely right! I am glad you understand. That shovel can get heavy, especially on a rainy day. What do you do for a living?"
Me: I'm a Production Technician."
Thompson: " I knew it! A producer. All of you guy's wanna to do that hip hop stuff, and make music. My baby girl loves that nonsense. But I can't stand it!"
Me: "No, I'm not a music producer. I'm a Production Technician for a specialty gas company."
Thompson: "Special gas huh? Come around this Saturday night after I done had me some corn liquor and barbecue. I'll give you some special gas! Ha,ha,ha!
I'm just kidding. If you come by I might forget who you are, and blow you away."
Me: "Very funny. Next question. If you guys are proud of what you do, why wear the hood? I mean, do you sleep with that hood on, take a shower with the hood on, lust after your 3rd cousin with that hood on? Why?"
Thompson: "There you go, funning me, and acting like I'm a joke. For your information anything past the 2nd is your cousin in name only. They ain't blood kin."
Me: "Whatever helps you sleep at night!
Anyway, I have to go. Thanks for your time."
Thompson: You know, you ain't half bad for a Nig.....
Me: "Don't say it. Lets end this on a civil note before I get upset."
Thompson: "Ok, you guys are so touchy. Next thing you know Rev. Sharpson will be out here stirring up trouble. Is that guy a real Reverend? Is the action network his church?"
Me: "No. Listen, I have to go."
Thompson: "What you got a baby mother to go see?"
Me: "No, just going to interview your "wife-cousin" next! By the way, do all of your children have 10 finger's and 10 toes, or are they genetic freaks like the X- men?"
Thompson: "What's that supposed to mean Mr. Smarty pants?"
Me: "Forget it, just curious."
Thompson: "We'll, you know what they say about curiosity!"
Me: "That depends on the cat. I've always been curious and I'm still here."
Thompson: "Lucky you!"
Me: "No, blessed me!"
Of course this is pure fiction and DuWayne Thompson is a character created by me. But the question is. Are there still people like him out there?