Saturday, May 7, 2016

Just When You Thought You Heard It All News (5-7-2016)

A man in Israel apparently doesn’t want God to answer his prayers, so he's filed a restraining order against God almighty. As if that will actually work!

The plaintiff/idiot, identified as David Shoshan, appeared in a courtroom in Haifa on Tuesday demanding that God stop interfering in his life, according to NRG, an Israeli news website.

Shoshan told the court that over the last three years, God has been very negative towards him, though court documents didn’t detail any specifics, the Times of Israel noted. Yet he's still alive to complain complain about it!

Shoshan said he has tried numerous times to obtain the restraining order through the police department, but in response, only received 10 police visits over a 36-month period. That’s why this time, he tried to go through the court instead.

Court documents noted that God did not present himself at the hearing.

The presiding judge, Ahsan Canaan, threw out Shoshan’s request and called it absurd.

Canaan suggested Shoshan should get help from someone besides local law enforcement, according to NRG.

It was not immediately clear if God has an attorney.

California mother is asking for the public's help after thieves broke into her car and stole a special tablet her son with cerebral palsy uses to communicate.

"Just return it. You don't have to be that kind of person that takes away from a special-needs child," Kristy Bernal said.

Her 10-year-old son, Zackary, was born with cerebral palsy and can't speak. Since October, he's been able to communicate with his family through a special device which allows him to use his eyes to speak.

"He gets to be like his brothers," Bernal said while fighting back tears.

The special tablet has software programmed specifically for Zackary's needs, bringing its total cost to about $7,000.

"He was having tantrums, frustration when he couldn't let us know what he was trying to say. Now, he's adding, he's subtracting, he's reading, he's doing sight words. He's even texting us through Skype now," Bernal said.

On Monday morning, Bernal was about to take the kids to school when they noticed all of the doors on her suburban were open.

Her car had been ransacked and the life-changing tablet had been stolen.

"I could not breathe. I could not believe it. I felt guilt. I felt so angry at myself. I take it out of the car all the time, and that one day I didn't take it out of the car. It killed me inside," Bernal said.

Since the burglary, the Bernal family has had to resort to frustrating guessing games.

"We have to guess a hundred things to figure out what he wants to tell us. With the device, he says three things and we know right away," Bernal said.

Now all they want is to continue Zackary's progress with the tablet and want it returned -- no questions asked.

The Bernal family has set up a GoFundMe account to try and raise money to replace the tablet. You can donate here: If it's returned, the Bernal family says they'll return the money.

Prosecutors in Phoenix, Arizona will not press criminal charges against a high school moron arrested for exposing his penis in a football team photograph published in the school’s yearbook, police said.

The case against Hunter Osborn, 19, will be dropped after the Maricopa County attorney declined to prosecute the Red Mountain High School student, the Mesa Police Department said in a statement.

“At this time all parties involved no longer desire prosecution and the case will be closed,” said Steve Berry, a Mesa police spokesman.

Osborn, who was 18 years old at the time, exposed his penis through the top of the waistband of his football uniform pants during a photo shoot for the high school football team on the school’s bleachers, according to court records.

He told police he was acting on a dare from another football player and said he was “disgusted by what he had done.”

Yeah RIGHT!!

Fifty-nine students, ranging in age from 15 to 19, and 10 faculty members were present, police said.

Osborn, who could not immediately be reached for comment, was arrested on Saturday on suspicion of 69 counts of indecent exposure and one felony count of furnishing harmful items to minors after police learned of the offending picture from the school’s principal.

He was released on Sunday on his own recognizance.

The photo made it into all the yearbooks at the 3,400-student school, but a school district spokeswoman said only 250 had been distributed.

The incident sparked a firestorm of criticism throughout the community against police over the seriousness of the charges sought for what many labeled a prank.

The case began to unravel on Wednesday, when county attorney Bill Montgomery said the evidence was lacking to charge Osborn with a felony count and referred a request that the youth be charged with multiple counts of indecent exposure back to police for additional review.

It was not immediately clear if the student would still face any disciplinary action from the school.



  1. This was just about the most humorous thing I have ever heard. Clearly this man is unhinged. However, when you said that "it was not immediately clear if God has an attorney" I really could not control myself. The other two stories ( penis guy and the kid with the missing tablet) paled in comparison.

  2. Yeah! I couldn't stop laughing when I read it either.