Just When You Thought You Heard It All News (12-31-2016)

“I ain’t a killer, but don’t push me.”

Let’s pray this doesn’t happen again.

There was mass confusion at a Christmas service in Sri Lanka when the program featured the words to Tupac Shakur’s 1997 song, “Hail Mary,” instead of the traditional Catholic prayer, according to multiple reports.

The service took place on December 11 in Colombo, but pictures of the program went viral during the Christmas holiday. 

As the Guardian notes, both the “Hail Mary” prayer and Tupac Shakur’s rap song ask Mother Mary to intercede on behalf of sinners, but their is a huge difference on the specifics.

The prayer, which is based on two passages from St. Luke’s Gospel, goes like this:

Hail Mary full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. 

Shakur’s version is more explicit, with lines like, 

I ain’t a killer, but don’t push me

Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting @&%#%..

Picture paragraphs unloaded, wise words being quoted

Peeped the weakness in the rap game and sewed it.

Andrew Choksy attended the service and recognized the Shakur song immediately.

“A lot of people were in shock as whether it was a joke or someone would actually rap the song,” he told Mashable. “A few of the older ladies in front of us could not stop looking at the printed booklet.”

Organizers discovered the mistake before the service began and asked for the books back, according to Father Da Silva of the Archdiocese of Colombo, which put on the event.

“The page was in the middle of the booklet,” Da Silva told CNN. “When people looked at this page, they saw it before the start of the show. Two people saw it and alerted us to it.”

Da Silva said the printer was a young boy who downloaded the wrong version.

“We are very sorry to say that this happened,” he said.

There are child prodigies and then there’s Ashlynd Howell, a child prodigy who needs her behind beat!

 Ashlynd used her unsuspecting napping mother’s thumb to unlock her phone and purchase toys. The story goes as follows:

While Bethany Howell napped on the couch last week, her daughter Ashlynd, 6 years old, used her mother’s thumb to unlock her phone and open the Amazon app. “$250 later, she has shopped for all her Christmas presents on Amazon,” said Ms. Howell, of Little Rock, Ark.

The purchases left the girl’s parents with “13 order confirmations for Pokémon items” and the feeling that they’d been hacked. The 6-year-old later assured mom and dad that she’d been shopping. 

Ashlynd’s mother indicated that the child was “really proud of herself.” 

Ooookaaaay!.....

The popular Christmas song “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” warns kids not to cry or pout, but it doesn’t say anything about not robbing banks.

Now police in Memphis, Tennessee, are trying to find a man who robbed a bank on Wednesday while wearing a Santa mask.

The criminal Kris Kringle walked into the Memphis City Employees Credit Union on Elvis Presley Boulevard around 10 a.m. sporting the trademark white beard, red coat and red hat with fluffy white trim, according to local media sources.

He handed out candy canes to people in the bank and even wished them a merry Christmas.

Then the thieving Santa handed the bank teller a note demanding cash, the Commercial Appeal newspaper reports. 

The teller gave Santa an undisclosed amount of money and he left the bank.

However, he didn’t leap into a sleigh or any kind of getaway car. Surveillance video shows him walking down Raines Road, according to the newspaper.

No one was hurt, except, of course, for the Christmas spirit.

“That’s kinda low. And then come and do something bad like this here? That reflects on the kids,” is how customer Angelo Becton reacted when he heard about the robbery, according to WREG TV.

No arrests have been made. Anyone with information is encouraged to call 901-528-CASH.

The real Santa Claus was unavailable to comment on the robber’s “Naughty List” status.

PR

The Klan Show.

 America is probably the only country in the world that would give domestic terrorists a television show and call it entertainment. Reality TV has made anything and everything possible for mass viewing no matter how ridiculous, stupid, perverse, or discussing the subject is. The latest such show is a reality series starring the most notorious terrorist organization in history. The Ku Klux Klan. The A&E network was all set to air its latest and perhaps most controversial show starring the Ku Klux Klan entitled “Escaping the KKK”, a docu-series that was going to follow people attempting to extricate themselves from the Ku Klux Klan. Although the series received massive criticism, it was only cancelled after the network discovered that participants were paid, a violation of the network’s policies. But apparently giving air time to terrorists without paying them is okay.

The network stated that cash payments, which were made in the field to some participants in order to facilitate access. While we stand behind the intent of the series and the seriousness of the content, these payments are a direct violation of A&E’s policies and practices for a documentary.  We had previously provided assurances to the public and to our core partners—including the Anti-Defamation League and Color of Change—that no payment was made to hate group members, and we believed that to be the case at the time.  We have now decided not to move forward with airing this project”.

In response to the cancellation, Color of Change issued a statement:

“One of the many conditions for Color Of Change’s involvement was that none of the on-air participants were being paid. It was the first commitment A&E made to us and we made it clear when we agreed to support content and marketing changes that we would withdraw if participants were paid. With this new information, canceling the show is the only acceptable decision.

On the eve of the inauguration of a president whose campaign was fueled by white supremacists, some of whom will work in his Administration, A&E has a lot of work to do if it plans to make a significant contribution in helping to repair the damage. A mess that cannot easily be cleaned up by having town halls and airing PSAs. This is an opportunity to increase the diversity of creative talent, invest more deeply in narrative, content and stories that uplift communities that are often in the cross hairs of racist systems and structures, and center communities more broadly that are so often misrepresented and underrepresented by mainstream media.”

A&E said the cancellation of the series doesn’t mean they won’t seek other ways to expose and “fight racism”.

“Just because this particular show goes away, the issues of hate in America do not.  We will still seek to fight hate in America through on-air programming including town halls and documentary programs produced in partnership with civil rights organizations, as well as continue to work with the civil rights community to facilitate a deeper dialogue on ending hate through comprehensive educational and outreach campaigns,” the company said.

PR

Just When Thought You Heard It All News (12-24-2016)

An Alabama Santa Claus is getting his wish for Christmas this year, but only after a little beef with the state’s Department of Revenue.

Dave Reid, who you cannot deny looks a lot like Santa, received the motor vehicle equivalent to a lump of coal this year when he found out that his “HO HO” vanity license plate were deemed offensive. He plays Santa professionally and has proudly displayed the holiday message on the back of his SUV for the past six years.

“I have a 1999 4Runner that across the back glass says ‘My other ride is a sleigh’ with a wildlife license plate that says HO HO,” Reid told WSFA-TV. “How offensive is that? People drive by me on the interstate so everyone can wave and take a picture. Who is offended by that? It’s ridiculous.”

Other banned license plates in Alabama have included “OUTHSE,” “BRDP00,” and “EYEH8U.”

Alas, the holiday season is about hope and surely you can’t keep Santa on the naughty list. Reid petitioned the license plate power brokers and with a little nudging from local media, he received his Christmas miracle. He tells WSFA-TV that his plates will be renewed.

Santa or not, vanity license plates are frequently the battleground for first amendment rights. In Oklahoma, the ACLU recently came to the defense of a man who wanted “COMMIE” printed on his plates. And in Kentucky, a man was denied his request for a license plate that stated “IM GOD.”

What can you buy for that extremely flush Republican on your shopping list? How about a CLUE!! Or if you just so happen to be in the United Arab Emirates you could just fork over $155,000 for a diamond-encrusted, gold-plated, Donald Trump -stamped iPhone 7…….

The phones, which feature a photo of Trump’s face, are being created by Goldgenie, a company that will gold-plate just about anything. Its motto is “Luxury gifts for the ungiftable.”

The Trump iPhone was born when a psycho Chinese woman requested one in a Goldgenie store in Sharjah, near Dubai, according to Frank Fernando, the company’s managing director. He told CNN Money that he believes the woman is hoping to give it to Trump after his inauguration.

There have since been another nine orders for the phones.

“There are very wealthy, high-net-worth individuals all over the world and sometimes it’s very difficult to buy gifts for them because they have everything,” Fernando said.

Is $155,000 a trifle high? Russian-Italian company Caviar Phones is offering a less-gold-plated smartphone with a relief of the president-elect’s image and the slogan “Make America Great Again” for $3,000.

The company honored Russian President Vladimir Putin with a similar phone, the Moscow Times noted...........

A Caviar representative told journalists that the Trump phone is a symbol of hope for better Russian-U.S. ties and that the company would do “everything possible” to deliver one of the phones directly to the president-elect.

The flashy phones are among a range of Trump-related products offered this holiday season, from the cheap to the expensive.

On the other side of the political aisle, some Trump opponents are buying friends and relatives who voted for him “get-back gifts” — mostly donations to organizations like Planned Parenthood and the Sierra Club in the name of the Trump supporter.

“With my oldest brother, who I know voted for Trump, I’m going right for the jugular. I’m donating to the Democratic National Committee on his behalf,” Hillary Clinton voter John Tereska told the Guardian.

“It’s revenge giving,” he said. 

The Mail Lady Saves Christmas!, Just When You Thought You Heard It All News (12-17-2016)

 So....what does your Grand Ma do!!!

An 86-year-old international jewelry thief was arrested Tuesday for allegedly shoplifting at a mall outside Atlanta.

The notorious Doris Payne, 86, has a criminal career that spans some 50 years on at least two continents.

In this most recent incident, Payne was arrested by Dunwoody, Ga., police and charged with shoplifting after she allegedly attempted to steal a $2,000 bracelet from Von Maur at Perimeter Mall.

The elderly woman was booked at the DeKalb County Jail.

Me Ma Payne was last arrested a little more than a year ago after she was apparently caught trying to put a pair of $700 earrings in her pocket at a Saks Fifth Avenue at Phipps Plaza in Atlanta.

Last year her attorney said that Payne was too sick to appear in court in relation to the Saks arrest.

“The reality is, she’s an 85-year-old lady in ailing health,” attorney Shawn McCullers said in November 2015. “If you want to drag her down here and cause her more harm and have her get more sick … we certainly can’t stop you.”

Payne was the subject of a documentary, The Life and Crimes of Doris Payne, which detailed how she had stolen $2 million in jewelry across the globe.

And in MORON news!!!!!

Two Kentucky men were arrested last week after they accidentally called 911, tipping off authorities to their alleged plan to rob a BBQ restaurant where the local police chief happened to be dining.

Robert Bourne and David Grigsby were sitting in their car outside of Brothers’ BBQ in Danville when the emergency function on one of their phones inadvertently connected with a 911 dispatcher.

The dispatcher listened in to the call and heard the two men allegedly discussing places they might rob, including Brothers’ BBQ. Authorities determined where the call originated and contacted Danville police chief Tony Gray, who, as it turned out, was enjoying a meal inside the mentioned restaurant. 

“When we stepped out back to talk, the dispatcher was able to pinpoint the phone, and the call was coming from somewhere in the parking lot at Brothers’. At that time, they located the two suspects sitting in the vehicle,” Gray said.

Obviously these two idiots were sauced while they were making their plans. Bourne and Grigbsy were both charged with public intoxication. Grigsby was also charged with disorderly conduct and possession of an open alcohol container in a vehicle.

There were no chestnuts roasting on this open fire, just letters, presents, and packages!

After a mail truck filled with packages for the holiday season caught fire in Wake Forest, North Carolina, Tuesday morning, a postal worker and a passerby launched into action to remove all the parcels from the burning vehicle. 

Authorities said the fire started in the engine compartment and spread to the rest of the vehicle. The postal worker’s quick decision to remove the packages from the truck limited the fire’s damage. 

“If it wasn’t for her quick thinking to pull right over and remove the parcels, it could have been tough,” Wake Forest Fire Battalion Chief Ed Barrett said.

USPS said it would work with customers who may have received damaged packages to have them reshipped. WPXI reported that many of the packages were from Amazon. The e-retailer said in a statement that it would donate to the local fire station for acting so quickly.

A GoFundMe page was created to thank the mail carrier for her efforts because, why not! Everybody gets a go fund me page!

PR

Just When You Thought You Heard It All News (12-10-2016)

In addition to the scourge of fake news now we also have to worry about fake news about toys.

Case in point: A “Happy Hour Playset,” featuring a bar, stools and fake beer bottles, that is supposedly being sold by Fisher-Price, bartender not included.

Make no mistake: The product is fake and only exists in a photo posted Monday on Instagram by Adam Padilla, the owner of a New York branding agency. I'm not exactly sure why this is funny. But apparently someone with excess time on his hands does

Padilla was inspired by seeing his 2-year-old daughter sitting at his kitchen counter like it was a bar.

“It seemed like something someone might do,” Padilla said.

The photo didn’t take off virally until Amiri King, a YouTube comedian based in Kentucky, posted it on Facebook with Padilla’s watermark cropped out.

King’s post of Padilla’s image has been shared more than 40,000 times, mostly by people who understand it’s a joke. 

But some people who believe it is real are accusing Fisher-Price of making an age-inappropriate product.

According to ABC Action News, at least one disgruntled consumer went to Facebook to gripe at Fisher-Price, saying: “Saw this and had to write. What the heck are you thinking? "I hope to heaven nobody buys this for their children, it's sick!"

Whoever handles the Fisher-Price social media account has to have the patience of Job.

According to NBC Connecticut, the company has responded to repeated complaints about King’s image on its Facebook page by saying, "Please know that this product has not been endorsed approved or created by Fisher-Price.” (Even calling it a “product” seems like a stretch, since, again, no one has actually made one of these things.)

Padilla thinks it’s hilarious that some people really believe Fisher-Price created a “Happy Hour Playset.”

“The mischief maker in me is thrilled,” he said. But there is a fine line between a mischief maker and a moron!

This is actually the second Fisher-Price spoof in recent days. Over the weekend, “Saturday Night Live” presented a parody commercial for a fake line of Fisher-Price toys catering to sensitive boys, including a plastic well for staring.

A suspected thief in California was recently caught in a stinky trap after he picked the wrong house to steal from.

The crappy situation played out like this.

 Mike Zaremba, of Riverside, was dismayed after three packages were stolen from outside the front door of his home. Zaremba wanted revenge, so he and his best friend brewed up a really stinky idea.

Zaremba waited until his wife held a birthday party for their Great Dane and then collected the piles of poop left by the 9 dogs in attendance. He neatly packaged the turds and left them in a box on his front porch.

A video surveillance camera rolled as a man, identified by police as 39-year-old Daniel Aldama, wheeled up on a bike and relieved Zaremba of his special package. 

Using the tape as evidence, Ronel Newton, of the Riverside Police Department, reportedly tracked down the alleged turd burglar and took him into custody.

“He dropped it as soon as he found out,” Newton said. “He didn’t want nothing to do with it.”

Interestingly, Zaremba is not the first to stoop to such a crappy trick. Similar stories have been reported in Spokane, Washington and Washington, DC

Porch pirates beware. Tis the season of sharing and a time for surprises, so that next package you grab could very well contain some just deserts.

President-elect Donald Trump acknowledged on Friday that his threat to imprison Hillary Clinton for using a private email server during her time as secretary of state was simply an appeal to win voters. SURPRISE!!!

As Trump spoke at a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan, as part of his post-election “Thank You Tour,” some supporters began chanting “lock her up” which is a common asinine refrain during the Republican convention and Trump’s campaign events. 

“No, it’s okay,” Trump said as the crowd jeered a reference to Clinton. “Forget it. That plays great before the election. Now, we don’t care, right?” 

Translation: I lied to you people to get your votes. But I didn't really mean it.

Trump threatened during the second presidential debate to prosecute Clinton. 

“I didn’t think I’d say this, but I’m going to say it, and I hate to say it, but if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your situation because there has never been so many lies, so much deception, there has never been anything like it and we’re going to have a special prosecutor,” he said.

Trump backed away from that claim shortly after the election, telling The New York Times he doesn’t “want to hurt the Clintons.”

“She went through a lot and suffered greatly in many different ways,” Trump said.

That sentiment doesn’t sit well with many Trump supporters. A survey found that 68 percent of Trump voters favor the president-elect appointing a special prosecutor to investigate Clinton.

PR

Jesus Was Black & So Was Santa Clause........

Let me just get this out of the way right now. I AM NOT COMPARING JESUS TO SANTA CLAUSE! The reason that I am mentioning both  is just for historical context. Those of us who can read, comprehend or have anything that vaguely resemble understanding know that Jesus was an African. We need look no further than his description in the bible, 

 Revelations 1: 14, 15

14 His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;

15 And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.

This description sounds like that of an African man to me. I've said this for years, and it never fails. Somebody always says that Jesus doesn't have a color, or that it doesn't matter what color Jesus was. But if it doesn't matter why is he almost always depicted as a long haired, pale-skinned, blue eyed European man? Because color does matter. It always has, and it always will. Whether it be the son of God or a work of fiction in a big red suit.

Here in America image is everything, whether we like it or believe it, it is what it is. That is exactly why all of the racist freaks in Minnesota are losing their minds over a Black Santa Clause.  

   The Mall of America decided to try something new this Christmas and brought in its first Black Santa Claus so that children of color would find a Kris Kringle who looks more like them. The honor of being the first Black Santa went to a man this nation owes a debt of gratitude as one of our veterans. Larry Jefferson fits the bill as a jolly looking guy complete with his own natural, gray beard.  The Mall of America had its heart in the right place to spread some politically correct cheer. After all, it’s all about spreading peace, love and joy. Until the Grinch shows up in the form of white racists. Santa is for the kids, so why in the world are racist adults throwing a fit? Why?! Because there is absolutely no other issue in the world that is more important than Santa Clause's skin tone.

Bigots were having such a major meltdown that the Star Tribune had to shut down the paper’s comments section!

It’s amazing that people get unhinged when they think a sacred icon whether it’s Santa, James Bond or a comic book hero–is being changed to appeal to all people. Before they start tweeting or posting protests, maybe a little fact checking would spare them from showing STUPID they really are.............

Santa is based on a fourth century Greek Christian, Saint Nicholas who is said to have performed many miracles.  Having come from a rich family, Saint Nicholas made it  his life’s mission to look out for the poor. He was once said to have helped a poor man who was about to sell his three daughters into slavery and prostitution by giving them each a dowry so they could marry. Others say if you left your shoes out in front of your house, Saint Nicholas would put money in them.  It didn’t take long for Saint Nick’s spirit of generosity to become legendary because of his habit of giving secret gifts to people. Saint Nicholas became the patron saint of merchants, children, pawnbrokers as well as sailors and repentant thieves.  Eventually, the story of Saint Nicholas spread to places around Europe. When the story spread to Holland, the Dutch began to embellish the story and started calling  Saint Nicholas “Santa Claus” and expanded the origin story to include reindeer, elves and even the red suit.  Eventually, the story became a tradition that people tried to emulate by gift-giving.

Though the real Saint Nicholas died in the year 343, his remains are buried in a crypt at the Basilica.

In San Nicola, Italy the Vatican requested measurements of his bones and skulls to be recorded in the 1950s during a renovation project.  Using these anatomically precise measurements, forensic pathology experts have come up with renderings of what Saint Nicholas actually may have looked like .

The latest 2014 rendering is said to be the most realistic since Liverpool Johh Moores University experts relied on the computer technology to come up with the facial reconstruction.  Here is Saint Nicholas according to those experts….

But despite the darker skin tone of the real Saint, modern day Santa is usually a White man as white as the driven snow. Mediterraneans (Italians, Greeks, Spaniards) are said to have skin color ranging from “pink or peach to light brown” and dark brown or black hair.   Most of the renderings of Saint Nicholas show him to have olive to brown skin-tone. But his physical appearance really doesn’t matter, since it is the spirit of caring about others—especially the less fortunate—that is the reason for the season.

Side Bar: So it's okay for the president to be orange, but Santa Clause can't be Black!

PR

Just When You Thought You Heard It All News (12-3-2016)

“Closing Time,” by Semisonic, is a song so catchy it’s almost criminal.

And the proof comes from a woman in Forest Grove, Oregon, who called police because she was annoyed by “a jack-ass guy” who kept whistling the tune near her house according to Oregon Live.

Cpt. Mike Herb of the Forest Grove Police Department admits he’s not sure why the woman was angry enough to call the authorities.

“It’s not clear if the caller would have been more or less upset if it was a different genre or whether it was just "the talent lacking in the whistling", Herb said.

Take a listen to refresh your ears, but be warned, you may not get it out of your head for a while.

Herb said the whistler was gone by the time officers arrived, but he was located a short time later still whistling “Closing Time.”

He told officers he was upset the woman had told him to shut up. After he was sent on his way, officers noted, he went back to whistling “Closing Time.”

“Closing Time” hit No. 11 in 1998 for Semisonic, and is considered a classic one-hit wonder.

Dan Wilson, the song’s composer, has since written tunes for Adele, John Legend and Taylor Swift, but he may have been a little bit sympathetic toward the woman based on this tweet:

Nobody loves Wi-Fi more than me. I've been look for it everywhere I go, especially since the evil misers at Verizon did away with unlimited data! But there is always that one person who takes things too far.

Iowa City police took a byte out of crime on Tuesday when they arrested a man who allegedly broke into his neighbor’s apartment just to steal her Wi-Fi password, according to an arrest affidavit.

The woman told police she discovered 27-year-old Christopher Cummings inside her apartment after he had broken in through a window.

She told police Cummings lives upstairs and had previously asked for the password, a request she had denied.

Responding officers said Cummings admitted entering his neighbor’s place to steal her Wi-Fi password because she wouldn’t give it to him when he asked.

He was then arrested on a third-degree burglary charge.

Jail records show he has since been released.

A blogger at BarstoolSports had an interesting take on the arrest:

“I sincerely hope this guy gets the book thrown at him and he has to spend 5 years in prison. Not because I think his crime is super heinous. I just want to live in a world where there’s a guy in prison being asked about why he’s in there. Murder? Assault? Grand theft auto? Nah man. I tried to steal my neighbor’s wifi password.”  

You never know what you might see when it comes to social media. One stupid moron is getting dragged on Facebook for what she did to her 5-month-old daughter’s hair. Footage has surfaced of a woman named Zaida Pugh adding a weave to the baby’s hair.................

Starting Early:

The video begins with Zaida doing a tutorial for the box braids she was preparing to put in her daughter’s head. At the beginning of the video, Zaida explains how she doesn’t want to pull her daughter’s edges but continues braiding. Although it sounds unbelievable, unfortunately, it’s true. Zaida really braided gold weave into her daughter’s baby hair.

By the time she finished, the extremely long weave, styled in a bun at the top of her daughter’s hair, appeared to weigh her daughter’s head down. She could be heard saying her “client” was pleased with the new hairstyle, but of course, most social media users strongly disagree. At the end of the video, the camera angle change and it clearly showed how the baby was struggling to hold her head up due to the weight of the hair.

PR